Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
