Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
