Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
