Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So vagazzling was a success
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
