like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
