So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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