dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize