haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
