Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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