you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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