Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
