adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
