i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
