its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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