okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
