great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
