My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
