I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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