please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
