I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
