He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
