You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
