So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
