areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
