Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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