I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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