How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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