Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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