I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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