I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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