I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
