I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
