Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
