Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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