Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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