i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
