You made me cry and you don't even care
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
