Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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