wrigley field is MILF paradise
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
