I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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