my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
