She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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