We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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