Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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