Only a mothe r could love this liver
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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