I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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