onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
