I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
