just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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