I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
