You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
