Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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