I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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