would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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