Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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