I'm so fucking centered right now
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
