You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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