i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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