Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
