I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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