mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
