I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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