I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
