break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My ATM looks so different sober.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year