I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.