Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.