Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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