Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again