she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread