I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
